I want war but I need peace (Trigger Warning: Black Death/police brutality)
Today… I woke up with the heaviest heart. The most clouded mind. Both infuriated and sad. I’m never going to be comfortable with Black people being killed by the police or watching it happen. Truthfully, I’m trying to make this blog post as cohesive and powerful as possible, but my nerves are shot. My thoughts are disjointed but supercharged by emotion. Seriously, how the fuck are we supposed to process this? How do we wrap our heads around being in the middle of a pandemic, being disproportionately affected by the said pandemic and also being reminded that our lives could be ended at any moment, oftentimes without justice, by a someone being paid to uphold the old, racist institution that is the police and the criminal “justice” system?
Breonna Taylor,Ahmaud Arbery, Sean Reed, George Floyd, I’m so sorry you lost your lives this month to state-sponsored murderers who were supposed to “protect and serve” you but didn’t because they never had the intention to. Your lives meant more than that. To their families, we love your loved ones and share in your pain. We will continue to lift their names.
To non-Black people who claim to be allies to the Black community, with a special emphasis on white people, show up. Tweeting is safe, telling your uncle that he’s a racist is not, but both are necessary. Open your wallets. Open your mouths. Be physical barriers between Black people and the police. Be the ally you’re supposed to be even when it puts you at risk because, see, Black people? We are always at risk. Using your privileges is the very least you can and should do, and I wouldn’t applaud a fish for swimming so I’m not about to applaud you for it, no one is. Do it anyway. And, stop sharing videos of Black people being murdered, you shouldn’t need the shock value to know that this is real. This is really happening to the community you claim to provide so much love and light to. You don’t need the shock value to be moved to action. Lastly, remember your lack of action is loud and assumes your siding with the oppressors.
To racists, inactive “allies”, and anybody else trying to be a roadblock to the movement, prepare to become a speedbump.
Black people, I know we’re tired. I know we’re in pain. I also know we are enraged. Participate in the actions that are best for you to express whichever emotion you’re feeling while also standing in your power. Whether that be donating, organizing, protesting, or looting. Remember to take care of yourself. Remember to pray if you pray, meditate, journal, hell… cry. Cry because It hurts. Cry because you deserve to feel. You deserve to be both radical changemakers to the media and outside world and vulnerable humans overwhelmed with years of pain and oppression. Remember our beauty. Remember our joy. Black men remember Black women. Black people, remember Black queer people. Remember that our community is powerful, that we are guided by ancestors. That we are loved, if not by everyone else at the very least by each other. We love ourselves and each other so much that we refuse to take mistreatment. Remember that all of our efforts are rooted in a deeper communal love that burns so hot and whatever must burn to protect and maintain that love, must burn. Remember that remembering these things in the moment is hard, so be patient with yourself.
In the course of writing this, I’ve been sad, angry and I’m finishing tired, but fired up. Black people, stay safe and stay Black, I love you.
Xo, Olivia
